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It is more common than you think. Although there is not a clinical diagnosis for perfectionism just yet, it can affect a wide range of people. Symptoms can also range from minor inconveniences to debilitating symptoms. Let’s explore the common symptoms of perfectionism below:
High standards for self or others
Inner critic
A need for control
Self-worth may be based on achievement
Fears like judgment and rejection
People pleasing
Imposter Syndrome (doubting your abilities; difficulty accepting accomplishments)
Do any of the above stand out to you? Maybe you recognize some of these symptoms in yourself or your loved ones. Perfectionism can affect children and teens just as much as adults. Children and teens may do the following behaviors if they struggle with perfectionism:
Needing projects, even art, to be “just right”
Avoiding starting assignments or new activities because they don’t already know how to do it
Possible workaholics
Overscheduling themselves to feel productive
Anxious about not “doing enough”
Possible people-pleasing for parents/guardians to meet their expectations
Did I just describe your child or teen?
Don’t worry, I’ve got some tips to help you help them.
Modeling kindness and acceptance with yourself works wonders. Phrases like: “I know I can’t control this situation, I accept it and I’m moving forward.” or “I’ve done my best with this and that’s ok” may be helpful. Our children watch and look to us for guidance in how to tackle life, let’s help them out.
Helping kids and teens reframe their thinking. Instead of: “I’m a failure at this, I’ll never get it right.” let’s try “I’m learning and growing in this new activity and I’m enjoying the journey.”
If the symptoms are more intense and not improving, consider finding a therapist that specializes in perfectionism and uses techniques like Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) to work on their mindsets. CBT helps to identify our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
As you’re reading this, are you realizing I’m describing you? The tips above can certainly help you, but I’m including a few more below just in case!
Consider finding affirmations, particularly for perfectionism and acceptance of a lack of control. Affirmations can work wonders on our mindset as we slowly re-work our self-talk.
Journaling and physically writing out our unhelpful thoughts and reframing them is part of CBT 101. There’s something about getting your ideas out of your head and on paper that feels like a big relief.
Gain the awareness of your thinking patterns to be kinder to yourself. With practice, you can learn to catch the unhelpful thinking early.
Practicing gratitude and acknowledging the highs and lows of your day can help you to set realistic goals and expectations going forward. Allow time to slow down your mind, practice mindfulness, and identify how perfectionism feels in your body.
Helpful resources to consider:
About the Author:
Rachel Butler Dorneanu MS APC NCC is an Individual and Premarital Couples Psychotherapist. She works with ages 16 and up. Her specialties include Anxiety, Assertiveness, Highly Sensitive People (HSP) concerns, Perfectionism, and Premarital Counseling. She offers online sessions for Georgia residents. She makes therapy convenient and easy to fit into your busy life. Clients that work with her appreciate her humor and straightforward, adaptable approach. They like that she meets them where they are and work on goals together. Learn more about her here:
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